Feathers for Falkner- chapter 50

~Falkner~

"Green… how did you find me?" I asked as the ex gym leader leaned over, swabbing at my newly stitched shoulder with a gauze pad soaked in foul smelling medicine that reminded me of bleach. It stung like no one's business, but not nearly as much as the open wound had before Green stitched it. Apparently this guy was a medical and scientific genius like his father, the great professor Oak.

"Well we were coming to see you anyways…" Green murmured as Red shifted on my left, cuddling closer to me because he was a pure fluffy love ball when out of public eyes. I hadn't seen him before when Green found me in the field—just before I lost my life to fall from huge heights. Red smoothed down the ends of my feathery hair as Green spoke.

"Lance actually called me a few days ago…" he admitted. "I don't think you know this, but part of why I'm quitting the Viridian Gym is so that I can be a fulltime therapist."

My mouth fell open in a small gasp as Green prodded a little too harshly against my temple, soaking up the blood from a scratch matted beneath my hair.

"So Lance… wanted you to try and help me?" I didn't know whether to be insulted or warmed by the fact that the dragon trainer really cared that much. It was a little embarrassing to know that he looked at me and saw someone that weak… so weak that they needed therapy… but then again it may have just been another way to sweeten the air between Johto and Kanto, since we were merging gyms very soon. Lance hated confliction more than anything, except maybe powerful people not liking him. It was only obvious that Lance had gone to Green because it was flattery. Even so… I couldn't be mad that he did. I was happy to see the young handsome man I met at the club a few weeks ago.

"He told me the basics… But if you're willing to talk about…" Green paused while concentrating on another scratch. "I would be happy to help you."

Red nodded at me, as if to encourage me to go on with his silent words of wisdom. The crimson eyed champion blinked once and an ever so slight smile spread across his thin, pale lips. It was nothing like the bright and sunny grin from Green.

"I—I guess." I swallowed. There were a million things I thought I should be doing right now, even though I was sitting in my home with literally nothing to do. The inspection was over now, and they hadn't so much as left me a note saying how I did. I was completely in the dark, not sure if they gave me the benefit of the doubt on those broken beams, or hounded me for it being a danger. My stomach was flipping with panic despite the calming affect the two lovers had over me. Green's gentle hands stopping the bleeding while his breath blew across his cheek, and Red who leaned against my shoulder, now tracing the veins in my wrist as if they were special.

There were also numerous other things to worry about though. Like the fact that Jake was in the pokemon center being treated for shock, and Pride was there having a jammed talon taken off and replaced with an artificial one. I wasn't happy to have to send them to the center instead of treating them myself, but even I didn't know how to amputate a claw… I shivered, thinking about what the nurse had said to Red, who had taken my pokemon for me and brought the news back to me. Pride's new talon would actually be a talon that had been amputated from a Skarmory whose trainer donated the body after it died. Skarmory bones and feathers were rare because they were so hard and light at the same time. My only thought was how Pride would cope with a jutting, metal claw on his foot.

Luckily though, those two had the worst of the damage from the attack, and my beloved Mama Bird had been spared by Green's Pidgeot, who just so happened to be Zephyr's father. The bird had deflected an attack from Renegade and landed one fatal blow before sending the Bravairy flying away. I hadnt seen all that, but I knew it must have been truly something. Not even Pride was strong enough to take on Renegade.

Now Green's Pidgeot lay together with Mama Bird, cleaning the feathers around her neck gently and crooning to her while she watched me in concern. The two birds hadn't been together a long time in the summer that Zephyr was conceived, but it apparent that their love for each other was still there. Pidgeot were few of the bird pokemon that remained devoted to their mates unless they passed away. I watched the small family with a sad smile on my lips as they were sprawled out across my living room floor. Green's Pidgeot was a glorious bird that aged well and still had the strength it did when Green first evolved it. Unlike Mama Bird who had bared far too much stress in her prime to live so leisurely now.

I could also see that Zephyr was the spitting imagine of his father, as he lay curled up between his shoulder blades with Lego sitting over him, looking down curiously at the plump body of warmth. I could tell by her ever so slight song that she was giving them a lullaby.

"Falkner?" Green said suddenly, snapping me out of the emotions swirling around in my head.

"Hmm?"

"Please go on." The therapist suggested, applying slight pressure to the back of my head.

"Oh… yeah…" I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. "I—I haven't been myself lately…"

Green nodded, accepting of that.

"I—I guess I should start at the beginning."

"That would be perfect."

"It's a long story…"

"I can handle it." Green assured. "Start at the beginning."

I took another breath, leaning back slightly and curling my knees under me. My fingers were still defrosting from having been out in the snow without gloves, and even though they were raw and hot from rope burn, they were still numb.

"My father died at the beginning of this last summer… and I had my birthday at the end of summer. That's when I became the new gym leader in his place." I mumbled. "And I met Morty… and even though I knew it was wrong to… be in love with him… I still couldn't help it. We just… got really close."

"Did that frighten you?"

Red twirled his fingertip in the palm of my head as his lover asked from my other side.

"I—I't did at first. And then I gave up on trying not to love him. I accepted it, I was… happy. But then on Christmas Eve, Morty told me something… and I just…"

The emotions swelled as I remembered that terrible night a couple weeks ago. Morty and I had been so happy together up until that moment. I was just about to have sex with him for Arceus sake! And it all went downhill from there.

"Take your time." Green pulled the gauze away from my head and brushed a piece of hair down, his hand resting on my shoulder opposite to him. I could see out of the corner of my eye that he smoothes Red's eyebrow hairs flat in a gesture of awkward affection. The two made eyes contact briefly, and I could almost see the sparks fly.

I envied Green I realized, while my lip quivered ever so slightly. Him and Red were so perfect for each other, and Green was completely unattached to his gym in a sense of where he could just give it all up for the person he loved. I must be the most selfish person then… since my whole world revolved around this gym and the birds in it, and yet I still wanted Morty. I thought about what it would be like to lose my gym—to lose my childhood and my father and many, many beloved birds—and I shivered at the thought.

"Mo—Morty told me that m—my father's ghost is here…" I whispered, scanning the room for any signs of ghostly activity. Within the last week I had discovered that it was very rarely happening during the day, and that only ever at night when I wanted to sleep I could hear my father's footsteps or rough breathing. Those sounds made me tremble in bed until I was literally hiding under the covers and holding back whimpers.

"Do you believe in ghosts?" Green wondered.

I nodded. "Of course I do…"

"Now… tell me, how did your father's ghost lead you to break up with Morty? Shouldn't you have been happy he told you?"

I sniffed, wiping my eyes and finding that I was actually happy to be able to tell someone all the thoughts that had been going on in my head for too long now.

"I—I was mad at him when he told me… because he'd known for a while… but it was my fault really… I was just so guilty."

"Of what?"

"For loving Morty… I—I was going to have sex with him that night… right in front of my father. That would have killed him—not literally…" I shook my head. "He's already dead but still… my father was… a serious homophobe."

Red surprised me by snorting a laugh, and Green poked him harshly in the side of the head.

"So you're worried about not having your father's consent?"

I shook my head. "I—it's more than just that. My father would disown me. He—He would never forgive me and I feel like… because he's dead… I just… I—I  can't… Love Morty."

"But you do." Green drew my chin over to him, making me look into his emerald eyes as he spoke. "Falkner let me tell you something… My parents were homophobes too, especially my father. And they knew I was gay since I was five years old. Falkner they sent me away to live with my grandfather in Palet town because they refused to raise a gay child."

I bit my lip, blinking at the therapist and wondering if there was any way I could possibly compare myself to him. His father had sent him away. Just because he was gay… of course I didn't doubt that my father wouldn't do that to me if it had happened at the time, but since I wasn't gay until Morty came along I wouldn't know the feeling.

"I believe that everything happens for a reason Falkner." Green said, casting his fiancé a look of appreciation. "Had my parents not sent me away I wouldn't have met Red… and since they disapproved already I decided that I wasn't going to suffer. They knew I was gay, I knew I was gay and I was only five years old… the point I'm trying to make is that no matter how much your father hates what you do it won't change you."

I was silent… because I honestly didn't know how to react to that. Green hadn't seen his father die, he hadn't the exact same problems that I did… and yet he seemed to speak the words so true that I could only admire him.

"Falkner if you're gay now, I'm sorry to tell you but you will be gay for every single moment of your life. Whether you have someone by your side or not. And you already told me that you had come to terms with that, why does your father's opinion change it?"

Again I was silent…

"Falkner… can I ask you to tell me why you love Morty?"

I thought about it for a moment, my heat hammering awkwardly in my chest as Red whistled very softly at Lego, matching her sad song pace by pace until she came hopping over and scrambling up to him. He let her settle on his shoulder furthest to me, closing his eyes as she whispered melodies in his ear.

"I love Morty… because… I—I just do. I love that he's so aggressive. And I love that he made me laugh because he hates everything… and I love how he always tried to get me to try new things like drinking and clubbing. I love how he used to touch me and call me Sweetheart. I—I just." Tears began to swell as I remembered all those things Morty used to do for me. "I—I fucking love him. I love that he makes me cuss more often because he does so much. And I love that he just barged over whenever he wanted and tried to get me to have sex with him. I—I—I---

"Shhh…" Red pressed his forehead to the side of my neck, hissing at me to relax as Green rubbed my tense shoulder.

"Falkner… I know this is hard for you. And I don't want to change your decision. But I think you truly need to look at what will make you happy. Falkner… hey, honey look at me."

I shook, making Mama Bird rise from her spot on the floor. She left her mate's side and came over slowly, leaning up to set her face in my lap. Lego sang softly, pulling on my heart strings as the bird family comforted me. Even Zephyr came over, fluttering up to the couch and looking up at me with a sort of pleading look.

"Falkner… Please know that you're father has passed away. You can't hold onto that… And I know you think you have let it go, but you haven't. Ghost or not he isn't the one living here. He isn't the one handing out badges and taking care of all these beautiful birds. You are. And if you're not happy here… then what's the point?"

Green was perhaps the most logical person I had ever known, and what was even more than that was the fact that he knew exactly how to say it. Unlike Gold who had previously said that I needed to live for myself, Green actually reached out to me with those words. Maybe it was because Green had been there and done that… maybe it was because Green was just one hell of a therapist… I didn't know, but suddenly everything felt completely different, and all those selfish thoughts didn't seem so selfish anymore.

I cried, a sudden sweet relief coming over me as my shoulder throbbed and my head ached. Mama Bird pressed herself tightly against me, her wings engulfing me and Zephyr tightly; her two babies. Lego hopped from Red's shoulder to my lap and curled up against my side. Green leaned over, smiling slightly and hugging me tightly as this sudden revelation radiated through my chest. I felt like I was going to fly, even while these people and pokemon held me down so physically. My heart was in mid-freefall and I knew that this was suddenly a moment in which I could either spread my wings, or hit the ground harder than ever before.

Red snuggled me gently, kissing my cheek and breathing as the warmth of the feathers and our bodies seemed to melt together. Green's Pidgeot stood in front of his master, maybe worried that it was going to intrude on our moment.

"You were my easiest patient Falkner." Green said teasingly. "I hope you make the right decision now…"

I nodded to him, tears still streaming down my bleed stained cheeks as I vowed to talk to Morty at the next meeting—which was in just a few days because they would be revealing who lost their gym. My heart thumped nervously at the thought. That would be one hell of a day… and maybe all the glitters wouldn't be gold… but it was suddenly all I ever wanted none the less. I muffled a thank you into Green's shoulder.

Would I make the right decision? Everything everyone had ever told me suddenly felt very right, and even Lance's words made sense in my head. You're heart will work this out. Well had it? I breathed the first easy breath I had since Christmas Eve a couple weeks ago, and even while something—a very particular ghost-- loitered in the corner of the room where I couldn't see him, but I knew he was there, I felt like I could make this right.

I lifted my eyes and stared into the blank space in the corner of the room, meeting my father's invisible eyes and mouthing the words I had wanted to tell him from the start.

I'm sorry…

But I love Morty…