All the glitters are not Gold- chapter 22

~Silver~

I stood outside apartment number 564, on the patio where three people had already passed me with insulting looks.  My hand would rise to knock, and then fall again before I had the chance. I was so damn nervous for no reason that I couldn't bring myself to even breathe evenly. My eyes hurt I was so strained, and there was no way to back out now. Gold could probably hear my frantic thoughts as clearly as I did.

I pictured him waiting, beyond the heavy door, looking through his peep hole at me while I stood, flustered like an idiot, trying to understand. Gold had been fighting tears when he left that message on my pokegear, and I felt like somehow it was my fault. I also couldn't figure out why it took him a week to call me when the gift was delivered on Christmas day.

My mind was in a whirl and I couldn't stand it any longer. I had to stop second guessing everything, it wasn't healthy.

Neither was standing out on the doorstep of a trainer's apartment that you had known for three years. This shouldn't be this hard… it wasn't hard before we went to Mt. Silver together… Back then things were simple. I hated him, he hated me. And now…

Now I had this terrible feeling inside me saying that I would be so overjoyed to see him… and that after I took a step through his apartment door I would never be able to turn back. He would suck me in with those honey eyes of his, and I would have no choice but to admit it to myself that I quite liked him… more than I should… more than any guy should like another guy.

All running was over now. I had no escape after this.

Squeezing my eyes shut I let my hand fall on the door, rapping quickly three times and then yanking it back as if it had offended me. I shivered and waiting, my chin down and my eyes narrow with guilt. What was I going to do? Apologize for punching him? Tell him I liked him? Close up and act like an asshole again?

"Come in." a faint voice was called from behind the door.

He could not be doing this to me… Now I had to open the door as well? My hands were shaking so bad I couldn't grip anything, let alone a door handle. I stood; face flushing and feeling too hot for my own good.

"Come in!" Gold called again, voice strained.

I took a shaky deep breath and pushed my hand down on the handle, finding this all too ridicules. I swallowed, let the lock undo itself, and held the door in place for a second. I counted to three in my head before pushing it open gently.

Gold sat, wide and glossy eyed against the nearest wall, a foot or so away from an unused sofa. I blinked in astonishment at the sight of him.

His hair was ever so slightly damn, falling in his face like usual with the same stupid cowlick in the back. His legs were drawn in close and his hands were resting with something all too familiar to me. But it wasn't the fact that his face was choked with some strange relief filled emotion that had me confused, it was the fact that he was like this, all alone in this low-lit apartment with his shirt off and his muscles rippling.

We were speechless. For a whole who knows how long, we just looked at each other. Confusion, anger, sadness… it all seemed to get lost in the mix of what we were supposed to be doing. I stared down at him, with his head resting against the wall, his eyes glimmering with the reflection of the silver and golden pokeball I sent him. It was all I could do not to turn and run away at that moment.

"Silver…" he managed in a very small voice.

The sound of his voice made my stomach do strange little flips. In my head I replied to him, but in reality I couldn't bring myself to say anything. I blinked and swallowed, and then with a gentle huff I moved. To his side by the wall.

A strange feeling came from somewhere deep inside me, and it felt like it was trying to choke me for all I was worth. I didn't understand, and I didn't want to, but all I knew was that it was stronger than it had even been.

It was the same feeling I had gotten that night on the mountain when Gold was very ill. That night I had stayed by his side with a buzzing in my stomach, not quite unpleasant, but certainly worried. This was a molecular feeling compared to the one I had when I thought Gold had died. The moment he slipped off the edge of a cliff, herded by a giant pidgeot… that moment I thought for surely I was done. Not just him, but me as well

And then when he kissed me…

A whole new world of feelings had woken up. I was terrified as well as blissfully happy. I wanted nothing more than to kiss him back, and yet at the same time… all I could do was run. Run. Run like I always do.

Well I wouldn't run this time…

I slid down the length of the wall at Gold's side, heart beating too harshly. He looked at me with feverish eyes, startled by our legs suddenly pressing against each other. I could see his fingers tighten around the pokeball in his hands as well. For the first time ever I realized that the confident, slightly arrogant boy that once always had me flustered was gone. He was nervous…?

This gave me strength. My voice managed then.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

For a minute I thought he might burst into tears, but he just stayed stiff, turning his face down at the pokeball, eyes narrowing.

"I—I thought you hated me."

No! I wanted to tell him, but everything got all clogged up again. I had to shake myself free of the shock, which made me realize just how little I had shown him before. Sure I—dare I say—cuddled with him for two weeks straight, but I also pushed him away. And then when I really screwed up…

I had spent so much time thinking about how much I missed him… and how much I really did care, that I hadn't bothered to realize I wasn't showing him any of this. I couldn't believe myself. I was thoroughly repulsed with myself actually. All this time not realizing just what I was doing… and more or less hurting him.
And how could I hurt that face? That stupid, arrogant, troubled baby face?

I wasn't sure what happened then, but I snapped. Maybe it was because he was shirtless and still damp, or maybe it was because we had just been away from each other for too long with unspoken words needed to be said. My sanity perhaps—I just lost it.

And suddenly I was wrapping my arms and legs around him, pressing my face into his neck, shoulders rounded forward and hands gripping too tightly until he let out a soft gasp.

"I—I don't hate you." I spluttered, reaching down and putting my hand over his on top of that pokeball. He turned then, out of the awkward position we were in to face me.

I felt his lips touch my forehead ever so gently, and then he pulled back, so quickly I was sure he was thinking that I would punch him again. But I wouldn't… even if my natural reaction to the electric zaps he sent through me was to punch him. I restrained myself from the aggression and focused on letting my claws unclench into hands again on his back. I managed a small, shaky sigh.

"Silver—Silver I—I don't—know—

I nuzzled my face into his chest and silenced him. "Shut up." I didn't want to talk about it. I said I was sorry, I pretty much just gave him to ok to be with me.

"But—But you—

"Just stop."

"Silver!—

"What?!" didn't he realize how hard this was for me? Didn't he understand just how thin the tightrope I was walking on was? I didn't want to leave again… I didn't want to run away from this.

"You left my front door open." Gold ran his fingers over my cheek, brushing my hair back around my ear and making me flush.

I eyes drew upward and I pulled slightly back, to look at the front door that was wide open, revealing the room across the outside hall, cracked open, the face of a child with wide, scared eyes looking through. He blinked at us, probably thinking we were absolutely crazy. Two guys—any rational kid with a normal childhood would know just how wrong this was.

"What?" I snarled at the kid, embarrassed with myself more than anything.

He squeaked and turned away then, slamming his own door shut. I saw the blinds next to his window close tighter as well.

Gold let out a small nervous laugh and turned back to me then. His lids half closed, lips parted slightly, cheeks red as could be. I could see him twisting into someone else as he looked at me. His eyes grew light but heavy with some strange emotion. Seductions? No…

"So now what?" he finally whispered, obviously not too interested in detaching himself from me. I could feel how cool his skin was though, despite his terrible blushing. I glanced back at the front door.

"Shut that?"

I thought for a moment he might burst into laughter, or maybe he was giddy. I couldn't tell. He turned a darker shade of red and nodded once.

"Good idea."  With too much effort he pulled his legs back from being around me, our feet tangling and our arms slithering past one another, subconsciously trying to get one last feel before we dispersed.

I stayed on the floor for a few extra seconds, looking at the sleek, broad back of Gold as he got up and shut the door. There was a soft slam, reassuring me that his fear was trying to ruin the silence. I swallowed hard when he locked the door and looked back at me, some hybrid smile crossed between creepy and sad. He coughed nervously, and that's when I decided to stand up.

"Gold—Ho—How have you been?" I forced some conversation, thinking maybe this would make things a little less awkward. It was hard to believe I had been so comfortable with this boy a couple weeks ago.  I stood, gripping the back of his couch with both hands, wishing that it could be that easy again.

"Do you want the truth?" he looked away, sadness taking over his face. "Because I COULD tell you that I have been fine…"

"The truth."

He strode towards me, muscles strong and tight. I really had never seen him without a shirt on before… so I was just a tiny bit flustered. It wasn't like looking at myself in the mirror. I was lanky and lean and tall, while Gold had a stockiness that I found somewhat daunting. He was probably two inches shorter than me, but I never felt like he was. I felt like I was shorter than him most of the time.

Of course that could be because I tended to slouch forward when I was nervous, and around him I was always nervous. While regardless of how he felt he was perfectly capable of pulling those shoulders back and looking bold.

"Oh I don't know Silver… I—I guess I've just had a lot of bad luck lately…"

The way he said my name made me want to flinch and tingle all over. He sighed and just when I thought he was going to come right up to me he turned and moved towards the couch instead. I looked after him with my hand raised, thinking that he must be reluctant. Did he hold a grudge? With a slight shake I moved to go by him. He sat before I did, flopping down in the middle of the couch where it formed an L shape.

I took a moment and sat beside him, though an inch away from touching him in all directions. He blinked at me with those sad honey eyes.

"My mother moved… to the big city." He murmured. "She said it was for finance issue… but I just don't believe it… and then when I decided to go home… I—I found these people living in my house." I could see he was getting somewhat choked up. He had to swallow it down before going on. "The man… he was horrible… he threatened me with his gun a couple times… and after I got into a battle with his daughter, the champion of Hoenn, he—he… shot… Skarmory."

My eyes grew wide, and for a moment I could feel my heart stutter to a terrified stop. Skarmory? But that was Gold's most loyal… most comforting… that pokemon was just his favorite all around (not that he really picked favorites. He loved all his pokemon). But still… I could only imagine the moment when she was shot. Horrible images of the bird falling to its death made me shiver.

"She… She is alive—But—But she wi—will never fly… again."

I didn't know whether to be relieved or even more horrified. A bird pokemon that couldn't fly? What could be a worse life to live? Gold blinked away his grief and scrubbed the back of his arm against his face. He sniffed.

"It isn't that… terrible, right?" he was honestly asking me. "I mean… she could have died."

I almost blurted out (as a reflex reaction) that Gold should just put her out of her misery now, but the desire to comfort him was much stronger now. Why would I revert back to snide comments like that when it would only hurt him? I realized that this wouldn't be an easy road… going down to turn myself around… but I was willing to try it.

"Right…" I nodded, trying to picture myself in that situation. It would be Sneasel for me… if she got shot I would go bat shit crazy. But I would want her alive of course… a handicap wouldn't make me love her any less.

"But that's not all." Gold whispered, pulling his hand up to look at the silver and gold pokeball I sent him. "I've missed you like crazy."

I didn't respond to him, no matter how badly I wanted to. I wished I had the voice to tell him that I missed him as well… and that I practically WENT crazy. But it just wouldn't come. All I could do was stare at him with a tight jaw. He may have taken it the wrong way too, which only made things worse.

"Sorry… I—It's the truth." He defended softly.

"I—I—mi--- I know…" I pulled up my legs so that my feet weren't touching the floor and sighed in defeat. How could we ever understand each other when I couldn't even tell him what I was feeling? My voice just refused to work… my heart was plenty loud and clear… but my voice… not at all.

"How have you been?" he whispered, bringing his legs up to hide his chest. I silently wished he wouldn't.

I just shook my head at him, trying to find the words. Communication was something we would seriously have to work on. "Let's just say…" I looked away. "A little better than you."

He forced a smile. "So just a little miserable?"

I coughed to hide my embarrassment.  If I had been just a little miserable it would have been like any other normal day. The last couple weeks had been pure hell, and yet it seemed Gold had been worse off. For once, I realized.

I looked up at the shirtless honey eyed boy and nodded anyways. My feet were shifting, moving slowly away from me so that I was inclined towards him. For some strange reason it was easy physically… just not mentally. I moved with a dragging slowness until my face was nearest to his. Just shut up and kiss me, I wanted to demand. Just stop with all this awkwardness… if it was going to be awkward I rather it be awkward in another way.

A physical way.

"Silver…" Gold didn't push me back, no; his hands actually encircled around my head and drew me in close to his bare chest. I pressed my ear to where his heart would be, my hands twitching and slithering about at his back. There was a strong and mighty heartbeat there, and I took comfort in the fact that it was louder than it should be.

"You did miss me." Gold whispered. "Didn't you?"

As if in response I let my nose skim the length of his neck and jaw, leading up to meet his cheek and finally his nose as well. It was straight and shorter than mine, which was perhaps a little bit aggravating, since my mouth would fit perfectly against his unless I turned my head to the side.

Gold held his breath, his lips twitching open even more and his hot breath stirring in my mouth. I paused, to let this all sink in. Three years of knowing each other and neither of us figuring out these emotions until a couple weeks ago… and then me running from them… Gold hurting.

"Mmmnnn Hmmn…"  I barely moaned, hoping he took it as an agreement. Of course I missed you… you stupid boy. You stupid… arrogant… troubled….

Attractive…

My train of thought was lost as our lips met.

Sexy… boy…

Tongue slipped in past each other's lips and swirled as if it was a new dance. Moans of pleasure and longing started to vibrate between us. His hand came up and gripped a fistful of my hair, tugging gently, but hard enough to make me shudder. Chills rolled up my sides and with my eyes shut I forced the spinning walls away.

At first it was me pushing, gripping his wrist and forcing our mouths further together and our tongues to salivate more, more, more. My mind whirled though, and I couldn't bother to let control handle me. I would rather let Gold handle me.

With a sharp huff, our mouths broke apart and I fell back against the floor with a grunt. My balance was absolutely gone, and if it wasn't for the fact that I was absolutely shocked into numbness, I would have had another tempting moment where I wanted to punch him. I stared up at the ceiling, breathing heavily, hands shaking.

Then Gold appeared, with his soft lips parted and drool dripping over them as he looked down at me from back up on the couch. His face twitched into a shallow happiness, and I could see a smile dancing in his eyes.  He reached down with the back of his hand and brushed my hair back from being strewn across my face.

"So—So what now?" I spluttered, breathless. His eyes grew slightly wider again, innocent in a way, and then of course, too pleasantly surprised. He blinked fondly and ran his fingers down my neck; giving me goose bumps and making me shiver before answering in a whisper.

"Now you stay."