All the glitters are not Gold- chapter 14

~Gold~

"We are making it to the top today." I stated determinedly, flashing back to the way it felt to fall from the cliff. For a split second I had honestly truly believed that I was dead. When my hands had completely slipped from the icy overhang and I skidded down the mountain wall all of about six feet, I thought I had died. I was expecting it, nothing more than a splat and then… death… or whatever comes after death.

But no. One perfect little sturdy ledge had saved my life, leaving me with this feeling of absolute gratitude. I realized just how easily life could slip away, and frightening as it was, I was no longer worried about living life. I knew that dying could be worse…

So I focused on living now. I declared it to myself as Skarmory lifted me through the air and set me down in front of Silver. I decided it wasn't worth it to worry over silly things like who I liked or who I was attracted to. Near death experiences can have that effect on you.

I gave in to letting New Gold run my life, after Silver held me that night, two nights ago. After realizing that my sexuality had been walking a tightrope for so long, I finally allowed myself the simple pleasures of giving in.

I was gay for Silver.

But honestly what teenage boy stuck on a mountain top with no one else around wouldn't be? Just look at him!

He was in his tattered jacket with the hood up, shielding his face from the thick snowfall and looking down. Clumps of dark auburn fell around his eyes and twisted in a gentle wave to the bottom of his chin. It seemed the longer it got the wavier it got as well. In the back, though I couldn't see it now, I knew it was near curling.

His nose was straight, his brow was defined, and his lips puckered out just a bit like they normally did when he was tired. I sighed, detaching my eyes from him before he would notice me staring.

"We're getting really close." I glanced up at the pale gray sky and squinted at the snow. Just beyond the white slush I could make out the shape of a huge twisted tree at the very top. It was dead, obviously nothing could survive that high up, but it looked proud and confident while its limbs reached out and touched the clouds. Red must live there, I mused, maybe the tree is hollow inside.

"Then we have to make our way all the way back down." Silver turned his face away and hid some strange look in his eyes. I almost asked him about it, but he interrupted me. "And what do we do if we do defeat Red?"

The words sounded foreign to me. Beating Red?

This was the strangest feeling I had ever had… when suddenly your childhood dream meant absolutely nothing anymore. I wanted to be the legend that beat Red. At one point it had been the most important thing in the world to me. And now it felt irrelevant to things I had on my mind (things being Silver.)

It scared me too… if my biggest dream didn't mean anything to me anymore, then what did I have to strive for? And more importantly, if the title of being champion, successor of Red, didn't complete me, then what would? I glanced at Silver, feeling too much like a hopeless love struck teenage girl.

"I—I don't know…" I admitted awkwardly. "What if we don't win?" It was the same scenario though. What would we do? We don't beat the strongest trainer that ever lived? And then what?

"We go back… to the way things were." Silver looked up at the sky for a moment, flashing his pale, colorless eyes, rimmed with dark circles. I wished I could brush the paleness from his cheeks. I wished I could replace it with blush.

My heart ached. The way things were? Meaning before we were friends? I couldn't say the words out loud though… I didn't want to hear the answer. What if Silver didn't care about me enough to want to see me? What if he expected this was a onetime thing… and after we got back down to earth (it sure felt like we were walking on air now) he would just forget all about me?

"Guess we will just have to wait and see what happens…" I whispered, more to myself than to him. My hand almost twitched forward, to try and take his, but I stopped myself. Earlier today when I tried to hold his hand he stuffed it in his pocket and wouldn't let me. I didn't know why he would pick and choose when to let me get close to him, but I was noticing a pattern lately.

At night when it was even colder and the silence wasn't awkward he would let hold his hand and put my face against his shoulder, but come morning it was like he automatically woke up in a bad mood and it took all day to cool off and let me into his world. I sighed again and pushed my hands into my own pockets to keep them at a safe distance.

In the lonely sound of our boots squishing into the snow I let my mind wander, thinking about the things that happened since I met silver again after so long of not seeing him again. I still didn't know why he did the things he did when I first met him… or what corrupted him to steal a pokemon in the first place, but I felt like that didn't matter anymore. I felt like maybe if I just kept looking for the answer I wouldn't need him to tell me. I didn't need him to tell me anymore. It wasn't guilt that would be keeping his secret, it was now that fact that I truly honestly just didn't care.

I would lie to the police time and time again for Silver.

"What is your problem?" he asked suddenly, startling my thoughts back into reality. "You keep sighing."

"Huh? Oh…" I felt heat rise to my face. "I don't know… I guess I just… want to get to the top." I lied so terribly that I was sure he didn't believe me.

For a short second I saw a flash of… something… cross his face. But he hid it well and I was left flustered and willing. Let me hold your hand! I wanted to demand to him. Let me kiss you! But he was too daunting to just demand things out of. I felt small for the first time around him, and I NEVER felt small around him before. I was always the powerful one up until this trip.

We kept walking, picking up pace when the ledges of the mountains weren't as steep and we could see more than ten feet in front of us. Wild pokemon flew in the sky here and there but they never spotted us, or found us threatening.  Even so, I decided to let Ty out of his pokeball just in case they decided to attack. He walked with heavy feet and a goofy grin on his face, leaving tiny puddles where his heat melted the snow behind us.

Silver let Sneasel out at one point as well, because she was so enthralled with the snow and the wind that it would be cruel not to let her out. The mischievous pokemon wasn't very behaved though, and kept launching snowballs at my own pokemon. It was a petty game for her because she knew I would never order Ty to attack her, but I could see he was getting irritated. Finally he took shelter at my side so closely that if Sneasel launched another attack it would hit me as well.  And she knew better than to hit me.

With an angry little hiss Sneasel proceeded to give up on her game and jump to Silver's shoulder. She perched herself there precisely and nuzzled his face in mock affection, casting unfriendly glances at me and Ty. Silver was oblivious to this, and gave his pokemon a gently pat on the head anyways.

"Phhrrrrooooggnnnn." Ty groaned from next to me, looking from my face to Sneasel on his shoulder and back again. He grinned sheepish and hopeful.

"No!" I shook my head. "Are you crazy?"

He pouted, having known from the beginning that I would never let him ride on my back. I held back laughter, remembering when he was just a Cyndaquil and a young Quilava, when he was small enough to ride on my shoulders. He loved it back then, and I knew he was disappointed now.

Nostalgia over those simple days hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn't help but notice the dwelling pain that came with it. That was old Gold, trying for one last shot as being something inside me. I realized though, just how distasteful he actually was. It was bittersweet and all, but it wasn't what I wanted. Old Gold was over.

I glanced at Silver.

New Gold was in full affect.

…………..

Breathless and exhausted we reached the top.

And it was absolutely stunning. A cascade of new snowfall had frosted over the land, and we could see it, every single tiny fraction of land that stretched in all directions. I could almost make out each city in both directions, being Johto's side, my side, and Kanto's side, Silver's side.

We stood, almost back to back, looking at our worlds below us, holding them in our gaze for what felt like a lifetime. The twisted tree, with the hard as stone bark and ice filled cracks was beside us, reaching up trying to touch the sky, perhaps looking for suicide where the air was so thin you couldn't breathe. It seemed to say "higher! Higher!" with its gnarled limbs and leafless spiny twigs.  

This was it, I couldn't help but realize. This was everything that we had set out to accomplish, and for only a second did it feel relevant. The view was amazing, the air was so frozen that I couldn't feel my face, and the snow was so light that it was hard to believe this was the same mountain that had nearly blown me to my death. The wind was mild here.

I pulled down my hood and shook out my soggy hair, running a hand through it and searching the small clearing that was the tip top of this mountain. It was like living in another world. Part of me felt like I should be in more awe than I was, but part of me felt like I was just too shocked that we had actually scaled it to be truly amazing. I didn't know what I was feeling.

I didn't know… not until I looked at Silver that is…

He pulled his hood down as well, revealing the brightness of his eyes and the hidden emotion behind them. I wanted to know what he was thinking… I wanted to know just what he planned on doing now. My mind whirled like a hurricane and I felt so unsteady, so shaky, even though my body was growing hot with affection.

Our eyes met at he didn't look away like I expecting him to, and he didn't look angry or even a little displeased. No… he actually looked very, very satisfied with our achievement. My stomach twisted, was he so satisfied with this whole thing being over? Didn't he feel even a little bit of sadness that we would have to go back down to earth and pick up right where we left off? I blinked at him, my mouth twisting down slightly, a ridicules feeling coming over me.

"Wha— Silver went to ask me, seeing my discomfort on my face, only to be stopped by the sudden, intense moment of which I grabbed his shoulders tightly and leaned in. He had no warning, and it happened to quickly I couldn't even stop myself if I wanted to.

My lips came down on his hard and eager, moving against his while he grew rigid under me. I turned, using my strength to the advantage (though he didn't really put up a fight) and pressed his back up against the cold hard bark of the twisted tree. Snow fell in flurry around us and my stomach was flipping with some strange high that I couldn't understand. New Gold was crazy; that was the only explanation I could come up with.

My hands came up to his face, and I brushed back his hair and let my fingers fall over his neck, moving them up to his jaw. My lips tore open his tight mouth and I fished my tongue into his with delicacy. Hot, steaming moisture was shared between us and I couldn't tell if he was fighting or reacting to this. I slowed, giving my brain time to think, but never once did I stop the rhythmic moving of my lips.

A hand was at my side, that was all I could gather, and his tongue flickered once against mine. I took that as assurance that he fully accepted my kiss—or more so assault via mouth—and gave myself the shallow displeasure of breaking away.

Saliva made his lips glossy looking and his eyes wild. I closed my own, bringing my hands back down to my sides and fully realizing what had just happened. I took a deep shaky breath before looking up at Silver again.

His expression was blank, unreadable, but it was only for a split second before he ripped his arm off my side (he must not have realized it was there) and yanked it up. I didn't see it coming, even though it was right in front of my face, and was too lightheaded to comprehend anything.

Silver punched me.

Stars explode from behind my eyes and blacken out the world around me. I crumpled like an idiot into the cold snow at our feet, shaking vigorously in panic. My body felt detached and for a split second the rejection hit so hard that I was thinking that I hadnt even been punched at all, it was just the rejection that hurt so bad. I also had to come to terms with the fact that no matter how much it hurt, in that particular moment I knew it was one hundred percent completely worth it.

One hundred and ten percent worth it…

And that was the last thing I thought before everything suddenly shut down around me.