ALL I EVER WANTED- chapter 1

~Ruby~

Air was always medication for me. That moment of sweet, succulent relief when you can just take a deep breath and watch the world flash by you. Air was a constant reminder of the things we needed most, and yet that special something that no one seemed to need at all. Air was bliss, and as much as I hated the word bliss, because it just sounded stupid and weird rolling off my tongue, I couldn't think of anything else to describe the way air made me feel.

One week had gone by since my little episode back at the studio. Six days since my mother filed a police report for her son running away, five days since the media went berserk in rage, four days since my manager hired someone else to replace me, three days since the media went berserk over my shitty replacement, two days since I landed here in the middle of nowhere outside a town called Verdanturf, and one day—not even—since I called my girlfriend of only three months.

She was so relieved to hear from me, but I made her swear up and down she wouldn't tell anyone where I was. She was reluctant of course, what with my mother harassing her for answers constantly, but promised feebly anyways. She told me she was coming to meet me tonight… when no one would be looking for her or wondering where she was. She was coming on the back of her Swellow now, sending me flirty texts and making my stomach curl with delight.

I hoped she would be able to find me here, in between the twisted and tall branches of thick oak trees. There were so many of them around here, it was no wonder no one lived here. You simply just couldn't pull together the resources for a large city. The people that lived in that tiny town called Verdanturf lived off of narrow river water and faith. Obviously, since every few and far between sign was about Arceus and other godly figures. Things I never understood.

Not to say that I didn't mind it. I figured everyone should be perfectly capable of believing in what they wanted to believe in. Which included me and my mother. She believed I was going to be somebody by being a famous handler, and even though I knew the path was wrong for me, I had to understand that was her dream as a child. She was trying to live through me… sadly it just wasn't happening.

Guilt had become my best friend in the last week. I knew people had lost millions because of me, I knew fans had lost trust, I knew my mother lost hope…

It wasn't exactly easy knowing that you had disappointed everyone that ever thought something of you. I sighed, drenching myself in that air. There is was again… that relief. Air had also been my best friend in the last week.

And not to mention the new found respect I got from my partners, that were also my friends. The pokemon that claimed for long ago that they would not perform, but stood by me time and time again while I did as I was told. I realized now, that they knew even before I did, that performing was not what I wanted to do. My pokemon had called it quits long ago; in hopes that I wouldn't take the path I did and end in disaster. It hadn't worked of course, I was always set up for disaster, but I knew they were proud of me for standing up for myself.

Biz lay with me now, while I sat on the hood of an abandoned truck staring up at the black night sky. Stars danced and dazzled and shone down on us with a glorious glow. I ran my fingers through the Mightyena's fur and playing with the red collar at her neck.

She rumbled happily, eyes closed, back leg threatening to twitch while I scratched just under her ear.

"Are you going to be good?" I asked her. "Sapphire is coming…"

Her face turned up instantly, and the intense dislike for my girlfriend was obvious in her black eyes. They narrowed and she curled her lip slightly.

"Biz… you have to be good. I will put you back in your ball." I said sternly to her. Love this pokemon to death, but I never understood why she had such a problem with other people. If it wasn't me, it was no one. She was feral when it came to anyone and everyone else. Not to mention battles. Biz held up to her name, which was short for Biznatch, which was basically Bitch, due to the fact that when I first caught her it had been the first word out of my mouth. What can I say? She's got a nasty personality.

And she knew it too. For being as smart as she is, the meaning of the word never upset her. I actually think she quite enjoyed her name being Biz. She was perfectly happy with the title, as obvious as it was.

She snorted softly to me and rolled her eyes. We had this conversation too many times, it was pointless by now. She never listened anyways. However, she knew better than to cross me on a night like this. Her paws scrambled against the old rusty metal of the trucks hood as she stood and nosed at my belt.

A second later the flash of her pokeball went off, and she was sucked back in quickly. She rather be put in her ball than have to behave. I shook my head at the pokemon. So stubborn. It was a miracle I didn't manage to attract any other pokemon with her personality. One was all I could handle.

Now alone in the silence I felt with it the peace. Pokemon were always around me of course, but I respected the fact that I could sit and wait alone, with thoughts creeping up the back of my throat and threatening to come out. I often had to catch myself, because when rare times like this came and I did end up alone, I would start talking to myself. Some of the best conversations I ever had were with myself, which left me to believe the only person that would ever understand me was me.

I also liked the silence because it was so easy to fill. Unlike trying to talk over crowds and other people, especially them trying to get there point across. I knew how ridicules it could make you feel, when you couldn't thrown your two cents in where you wanted. That's why the silence was nice. I could say what I needed to say.

Or in the right moment I would sing. On nights like this, when the acoustics of the oak forest were just too great to pass up, I found myself whispering to the world. And that whisper would escalate until I was belting out the words to some smooth, love me or leave me kind of song that had nothing to do with my life, and yet somehow, it had everything to do with it. I would sing on my emotions, and it had the same effects that an ocean had when you rode on it in a boat. The ocean was your emotions; your music was the waves.

I sang now, thinking about seeing Sapphire again after a week. That girl, though we had slight problems before, knew how to wrap me around her finger. Sure she was slightly controlling, sure she wanted me to know exactly how she felt about the things I did sometimes. Sure she was a mouthful of good and bad and beauty, but I liked her just the same.

We met each other a long while ago, when her father, Professor Birch, decided to give me a pokemon as well as her. We were in competition for a while, considering her passion was contests, and my mother pushed me to be all that I could be as well. I was always a more graceful handler than her, though it may be because the pokemon I preformed with were trained since birth. And because the town I grew up in was the town the concert hall stood. I had the home team advantage, and Sapphire hated that.

However her jealously had driven her to like me. She couldn't stand that for the longest time I was better than her, and I would bet that she was secretly happy I ran away a week ago, so that now she could have her chance to shine. I didn't blame her, I was actually happy for her. She could chase her dream while I chased mine…

Even so… it was hard to imagine our dreams would lead us anywhere else but breaking up. How could she be a handler and I be a trainer? After the reputation I had and the things I did… that life was over for me. I wanted to be a trainer and I wanted to be a traveler. Those two things would lead me far, far away from her path.

She was going to live her life trapped in a city where the world was handed to her on a silver platter… filtered through television and photoshopped to look perfect.

I sighed. Again. For the millionth time this week, and listened to the words coming out of my own mouth.

Girl you got me going
Yea I think you know it
Oh I'm ready for this ride
So come on take my hand
Cuz only you, you understand
How to kick this feeling into—

"Ruby!"

I jumped, catching my leg on the rusty bumper on the front of the truck. I flinched—though it may have been because of the sound of my name—and whirled to see a windblown beauty coming my way, long hair blown back in the wind. Riding on the sleek feathers of her Swellow was Sapphire, glorious blueish purple tinted eyes glinting in the moons glow. I couldn't help but smile.

"You stupid boy." She huffed, shifting as Swellow swooped down for a landing over the old abandoned truck. Sapphire dropped with pristine skill on the body of the truck and stood looking down at me.

"Has your skirt gotten shorter? Cus' from this view…" I teased, reaching my gloved hands up to wrap them around her waist. She gasped as I yanked her from the top of the vehicle to my level on the hood.

"Oh Ruby. What the hell were you thinking?" she shoved me gently, and then proceeded to wrap her arms around my neck in a tight hug. "Your mother is worried sick. The whole town wants to know what happened."

"They know what happened." I rested my hands around the small of her back. "They know I ran away."

"They don't know why." Her face fell into the curve of my shoulder and neck. She seemed to dilapidate onto me. "Ruby—there it was again, that internal flinch—I don't even understand…"

"I—I just… Had to—

"Had to what?" She broke herself away from me. I blinked in shock, seeing that though her eyes had lined with tears almost instantly. We stood on that car hood, staring at each other, wondering where this had gone wrong—or at least I was.

"Sapphire… I… I don't want to be a handler."

"Don't you think you should have figured that out earlier?" she scrubbed her hands across her face. She hated crying in front of people, this was a rare sight for her. I hated it… I hated seeing her upset.

"Baby." I reached forward to wrap my arms around her. "Why are you really mad?" the Sapphire I knew wouldn't be upset because of my decisions… so there had to be another reason.

"You just don't get it do you?" her eyes narrowed, and though she didn't pull away her hands planted themselves on my chest like a wall between us. "You can't come back now…"

I blinked. "Says who?"

"Are you serious? Ruby you do something like that and run away, you're better off STAYING away… which is exactly why I'm upset!" her chin dropped a tiny bit and I could see her fighting those tears. Why? Why tonight… what did she have to be sad? As if I needed another reason to be guilty.

"Aww… Come on it's not that bad Sapph." I tried to pick her chin up and make her look at me. "I just want to chase my own dream… live my own life. You understand that don't you? And I didn't plan on coming back anyways."

She gritted her teeth together and her lower lip quivered.

"What did I—

"You're so selfish!" she tore herself from me and jumped down from the hood of the car. "You didn't plan on coming back? So you just thought I was going to come find you?" she demanded. "Don't you realize just what it's been like for me? Don't you think I have suffered because you left? Don't you even care that I'm practically alone now!"

I shook my head. "That's not fair. You know I care about you."

"Then maybe you should start acting like it!" she crossed her arms and leaned against the side of the truck. I jumped down and moved to stand in front of her.

Placing my hands on her shoulders I forced her to look me in the eyes. How could see honestly call me selfish? After spending my whole life stooping to the levels of other people just to please them… to make everyone else happy and she called me selfish? I felt miserable at the thought.

"Listen to me." I nearly begged. "Sapphire you don't understand. What if your whole life you had to do what everyone else wanted you to? And you never got a choice in a matter? You would want to leave too… Don't you understand? It's not because I don't want to be with you, it's not because I'm selfish… I just… have to live my own life. For once it's what I want."

She knew as well as me that making your own choices didn't make you selfish. She did that all the time. Her headstrong personality wouldn't let anyone put her down. And yet she still shook her head as if this was my fault. As if she really truly though I was selfish.

"And what is that Ruby?" she spat my name. "What is it exactly that you want?"

"I just want to be me…"

"I don't suppose I'm a part of you then…" she tried to turn away again.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I had to fight to control my anger. She couldn't just let this go could she? She couldn't take the fact that maybe I wouldn't be around as much. She didn't want to think that she would be living her own life without me. And I was honest when I said I didn't want to be without her either, but I wasn't so whipped into this relationship that I would base a decision like this on her alone. I felt like relationships like that were annoying. People needed to stand on their own.

She was fighting tears as she stared up at me, not sure of what to say. She opened her mouth once to speak, but shut it again, shaking her head and not giving me the chance to feel even a little bit better. She tried once more, and it didn't work. The tears slithered down her cheeks and fell with little plops to the floor.

"Ruby…" she breathed my name. Oh how I hated that sound. "It's just not going to work, I can see that!"

God chicks are so dramatic.

"No… no." I shook my head and steadied her. "It can work… with a little effort… I think."

She sniffed.

Sapphire and I were never the type of couple to kiss or even hold hands in public. We weren't easy on each other and we joked around like siblings would, however much I tried to picture myself being gooey and romantic though, it never worked. Sapphire wasn't in it for those kinds of things. She was in it for the glory, the fact that her name could be portrayed with mine in contests, and so she and I could always have that in common. I got the feeling she thought it was OUR thing because of that. Even if it was really only her thing.

Even so, I hated hurting her. Ever since we were little it meant more to see her happy than to be comfortable with myself. And if her being comfortable meant me pushing my own boundary, I would do so.

"Come on… Sapph…" I pushed my hands down to her waist and gripped softly. Leaning in gentle I brushed my nose against the length of her neck, up to her jaw line.

I had never kissed anyone before. Even three months into this relationship and I was still hesitant. Sapphire seemed to stiffen under me as well. She never expected such actions—from me she probably expected words and jokes.

But like a man trying to cheer her up I pulled my face up and flicked my tongue across my lips to wet them. Hopefully it wasn't too much. I didn't want to be classified as a bad kisser. I leaned in skittishly and swallowed, only to be stopped by a sudden, rash and high pitched bark of a noise.

I jumped back in surprise and looked around. Sapphire, leaning in for her kiss with closed eyes, toppled slightly onto her toes and had to grab my shoulder for support.

A fluff of green flashed by and that was all I saw before the ground seemed to wail in pain. The bed of a truck gasped and coughed and made a horrible nails-on-chalk-board sound. I barely saw what happened, or what caused such a noise, before there was a ragged breath, gurgling and snorting like an animal of some sort.

"Ruby!" Sapphire shouted as I bolted from her side to around the back of the abandoned truck. Below where the paint was peeling, on the far left side, just next to the deflated tire, was a boy.

A boy with more blood spurting out his nose than I had ever seen possible before. A boy whose baggy white shirt was now stained with the foul stuff and dirt. A dark mahogany splattered shirt and pants. There were handprints of blood pressed against his throat where he had clutched for air, and as I stared in horror, listening to my girlfriend of only three months wail in anger, his legs stopped bucking and twitched to a stop.

His chest fell, his eyes lolled, his petit mouth fell open to reveal a pale tongue and spit covered teeth. His lips revealed the slime he managed to hack up before it all became too much.

My instincts, which always seemed to work best for me in situations like this, kicking into gear then, and I fell with acceleration of one to one hundred. My hands ripped at the buttons on the thick stained shirt, pulling it back to reveal his flat chest and his clearly visible ribs. Panic stricken and wide eyed I discovered no heartbeat, just my pounding heart.

"Hey!" I was gasping, slapping around the boys bloody face, trying to get a rise out of him.

"Ruby stop it this instance!"

"He's dying!"

"He's dead!" Sapphire wailed.

The hell he wasn't.

I did something then I had never done before, and never thought I would. I rolled up my sleeves, pushed by his head and pried open that tiny mouth. I flinched at the bubbling shit lodged in the back of his throat, but saw it roll down far enough to where I wouldn't have to suck it out myself. With shaky hands I pinched his small nose and leaned over with a humph.

Mouth to mouth resuscitation wasn't what I never thought I would do though. No, I always figured I would get stuck doing it someday, since they made videos and classes about how to do it all the time. No, what I NEVER thought I would do that I did, was rip my hat off my head and throw it down next to me. A reflex reaction, to get the floppy material out of my face while I worked like a machine over the decrepit boy.

One breath… two breaths… was it two or three? I blew one more anyways before pulling back and locking my fingers together.

My heavy hands felt threatening on his frail figure, but I couldn't stop. Break his sternum, it's ok, that's what the classes told you. I wasn't licensed to do this of course, that expired years ago, but I was too frightened to see an innocent person die in front of me—if he wasn't already dead.

I pumped harder, muttering "wake up wake up wake up!" with the movements of my hands. I must have gone past thirty compressions before turning back to his mouth. I didn't flinch this time as my face engulfed his and I blew hard into the lungs of the boy. I could hear them inflate as well as mine collapse with effort. One of ours was going to pop if something didn't happen soon. I was gasping when I let the air flow out, but managed to pull in another mouthful of air to blow into his system. Somehow, I managed one more good thrust.

And then the boy was coughing and sputtering and kicking rapidly again. He wheezed, gripping at his throat and trying to sit up. His pale blue eyes lolled with dizziness, but he never seemed to gape like a magikarp again. His slender fingers clutched the ground, trying to grip anything they could while he hacked up a mouthful of mucus and blood.

He hadn't yet noticed me, panting with effort and shock, until his hands came in contact with my pant leg. He gripped hard for having such little strength, and it was all I could do just to stare. I swallowed the taste of his body fluids and shuddered.

His pale eyes turned up to mine while he gripped my pant leg. All hacking and wheezing aside he fell back to the earth with no strength at all. Eyes half lidded, fingers uncurling his body went limp. For a second I thought he died again, but he blinked and the slight rise and fall of his chest was indication enough for me.

He rasped a weak noise, and to my incredulity it sounded like laughter. His skinny lips turned up ever so slightly at the corners.

"Tha—he broke out into a fit of rasping—Thank—yo—you."

Not a second later his eyes curled backwards beneath his lids and he fell still.